So this post is going to be about college and a phrase I use three times in the following video:
Yes. I totally named that video "Be Encouraged!" exclamation point and all. Even though looking back on it, it's not the most encouraging video in the world... The point I wanted you guys to take from it was this: that we all feel lost and confused sometimes. That it can frustrate the heck out of us in the moment. But that if we pursue our dreams and our wants and our passions with vigor, in the end, we'll be victorious. We just can't be afraid to see the project through.
The phrase you heard three times up there and the phrase I'm using (cough, cough, coining, cough) to sort of embody and speak for this mentality is called being encouraged to not be discouraged. And I'm probably going to go a little motivational speaker on you guys as I go through this, but college life is a good example of this philosophy. Of not taking no for an answer.
REALLY QUICKLY -------->
The picture over there is a snapshot of the essay I'm writing for my mandatory class. It's finished, technically, but I'm a little upset the last paragraph didn't fit and there's random punctuation flowing throughout its veins. But ANYWAY, in this essay we had to think about something in our personal style that we "stole" from something or sometime else. I wrote about my pearls and how I wear them to project a "lady-like" image and also connote that I'm a modern Wonder-woman.
OKAY. NOW WE'RE ROLLING...
My sister and her hubby dropping me off first day
When you're in college, you literally have to make every decision for yourself. The easy ones like when you'll wake up, where you'll go eat, who you'll hang out with for the day, where you'll do it, when you'll come home, etc. are pretty much the decisions you're already making in high school, but they're amplified now that your parents are away.
View of the forest near my apartment
Now that you're completely in charge, you really get to explore the following questions: What do I want to do? Who do I want to be? Where do I want to go? When do I want to get there? How am I going to get there? Why do I want this so much? And what's going to either stop me from getting what I want or help me get what I want? The questions don't need immediate answers, but they're always in the back of your mind. I was lucky. I kind of had a pretty good idea of a lot of the answers in high school, but now that I'm here, things like what I want are becoming a little blurry and how I'm going to get those things, blurrier still. But that's okay. I know, now, there are people here to help me. And while all of them REFUSE to just hand me answers (which is what I went into the office three times looking for!), all of them continued to try to nudge me in the right direction. In my opinion, they weren't nudging hard enough. But there was a nudge--- I felt the push--- and when I just decided to let go of their hand and jump, I found myself feeling a lot better--- more confident--- and now I'm in classes I love and am excited to be in.
Place where a baby deer was until I pulled out my camera
I felt lost for sure. I felt out of place and like the total stereotype of a freshman. Almost all of my apartment mates know exactly where they're going, they know the shortcuts, and they're not afraid to get lost. But me? I felt like the deer in the headlights. Confused. Out of place. About to die. Okay... so it wasn't THAT dramatic. But in the moment, it all felt so important. Like it was a sign from the heavens above that I wasn't meant to get to that freezing class after all. And maybe it was. I know it was, actually. Because now I'm in classes I love and WANT to be in. And that's the key thing here. Doing things you WANT to do. Not doing things you think you HAVE to do.
The bridge that takes me home
I just want to encourage you not to lose faith in yourself. To see that fork in the road and confidently set foot on the path you WANT to take. Don't hesitate. Don't doubt yourself even for a second. Because the thing is, there's going to be a day where you get to call all the shots. Start owning every decision, every step, every breath you make and take. This is your life. Own it. This is your shot. Take it. These are your dreams. Live them. And this is all you. So make it happen.
"Take a risk, take a chance, make a change,"
-Deserae <3
P.S. CALLING ALL ARTISTS!!! I want a "Encouraged not to be Discouraged" T-shirt, but I can't design anything! So if you want to make a design for me send it to scillafrederricks@hotmail.com and I'll get a shirt made for myself and the person who made the winning design! Make it happen, folks!
So today I was supposed to do a follow up to yesterday's post featuring my roommates. But I want to talk about something else instead and I want to start this off cara a cara (face to face).
Before We Begin...
Cyberbullying is a serious thing and it happens to a lot of people. I never, though, thought it could or would happen to me. I'm not saying this because I think I'm special; I'm saying this because I want to put it out there that the fact that it's randomly happening to me means that there is no doubt in my mind that it could happen to anyone. So if you feel like you're being victimized, know that I believe you. If you feel like you're being put down, know that there are others who are feeling the exact same way.
And this speel isn't just for those of us on the "victim" end. It's for people who may be on the "bully" end, too. Maybe you don't realize you're doing it... Maybe you don't know how much it hurts... But it does. And this post isn't going to console you. My hopes are that if you continue to read this, you'll be convicted to change the way you treat others online. Because imagine yourself on the other end. It doesn't feel good, and I hope that by the end of this, you'll see why.
I don't curse and I'm not trying to make anyone feel uncomfortable. So these are the words you'll see mostly in this post: attack, attacker, bullying, bully, and victim. These are strong, serious words, but cyberbullying is a serious offense. So let's get real, okay? And let's help each other be better people who can handle themselves in better ways.
My Story
I'm on a website.
Someone doesn't like what I say.
They take offense to it without letting me know they're offended.
They start talking about me on other social networks.
Their friends start hating me.
They feel justified in hating me.
The talking continues.
It's brought back to the original website.
There is a bang.
Without justifying the situation or the actions taken by both parties, I try to stop it.
Others intervene and the situation escalates.
Now, apologies for whatever it is I've done wrong (which I still don't know. STILL.) are in order, and also a firmer hand is needed to end the unnecessary hatred.
The someone "disappears" from the website, but continues to check in.
Every two seconds, I hear that the someone (who I thought was done and satisfied) is continuing to talk about me on other social networking sites.
I am now, not only offended, but hurt. And that's how I know this isn't just sillyness or in my head--- it's cyberbullying, and that, my friend, is serious.
What Crossing the Line Looks Like
Crossing the line from a silly argument or misunderstanding to full blown cyberbullying looks different for every situation, but here are some things I want to highlight because these are the things, in my opinon, that really separates the two:
Have you had repeated issues with the same person or group of people online?
Do you feel like they're attacking you collectively, or if it's a single person, do you feel like they attack you on a regular basis?
Do you feel like you're doing something wrong, even though you're the one being victimized?
Are you starting to feel afraid to check (social) websites because you're afraid "they" will be on or will have said something about you in your absence?
Are you being mentally and emotionally affected by what's being said about you?
Do you feel helpless or like no one cares or can stick up for you?
Look. I'm seventeen years old and have never had a problem like this before. But you know what? I can check off all of the things on that list, and this isn't just because I wrote the list--- it's because I've experienced this first hand. Age is just a number. Whether you're twelve or eighty-two, you can be a victim of cyberbullying or even the bully yourself.
Crossing the line means that a situation has gone from pettiness and human error to intentional attacks on a person to the point where mental and emotional stress is being put on another person.
We're all human. We all have the tendency to read into things the wrong way and feel the need to defend ourselves in any way we feel we can. And online, people do this by:
A. Cursing you out
B. Putting you down
C. Trying to turn the tables by making YOU feel like YOU'RE to blame
D. All of the above and more.
But the person who isn't a bully will see the error in that and apologize or will stop trying to hurt you for something that was silly. However, a bully will continue to attack you personally for reasons that usually have nothing to do with you.
What Makes a Bully and How You Can Stop Them
A bully is made of a person who:
A. Builds up defenses to protect themselves that end up hurting others
B. Likes to hurt others to keep up appearances or because it's in their nature
C. Is insecure and acts out to hide or appease these insecurities
D. Needs to put others down to feel like they're "on top"
E. Doesn't like someone and chooses to attack them physically, emotionally, or verbally
Acts of bullying include:
A. Calling someone out of their name
B. Refusing to stop taunting, teasing, talking about, or taking the time to manipulate others into disliking someone
C. Using your position, power, or privileges to take advantage of others
D. Doing something to intentionally hurt someone else
E. Egging on a situation, or making someone feel badly about themselves.
You can prevent bullying by:
A. Refusing to participate in acts of bullying
B. Engaging in the practice of standing up for people who you see are being bullied
C. Asserting yourself by standing up to bullies early on
D. Conversing civilly with the person you're having a problem with to try and rectify the situation
E. Tell someone--- anyone--- when all else fails so that you have someone to back and support you.
If You Think You're a Victim of Bullying or Cyberbullying...
Get help. Talk things out. Get support. Talk some more.
Seriously.
There's no reason not to. Because if you keep talking, I guarantee you someone will listen. And if you feel like no one else will, come to me, because I will and we'll get you some help.
If You Think You are a Bully but Want to Rectify The Situation...
Get help. Listen to what is being said. Get someone to listen back. Listen even more.
Seriously.
There's no reason not to. Because if you open your ears to hear, I guarantee you'll want to stop. And if you feel like you can't or that there's no forgiveness, come to me because I'll hear you out and we'll get you some help.
Because Seriously...
Bullying of any kind hurts. And cyberbullying IS bullying.
Believe it. Receive it. Correct it. Reject it.
FIRST! A new video for you that I like to call "Bye, bye, bye." Sorry I'm such a spaz in it. I was seriously just... blabbering because I was so A.) paranoid Z was going to catch me and B.) sad-slash-glad-slash-weirded-out-slash-everything-besides-upset.
AND THEN!... A new song! Just for my Wednesday Writes! Woot! No prompt this week. Life is the prompt and I am going with it. :)
Hard To Say Goodbye -Time's Up (aka Another One of MY Fictious Bands)
I'm at the end
I'm at the end of
I'm at the end of this road.
I can't pretend
I can't pretend I
I can't pretend I'm not alone.
It doesn't feel right;
It doesn't feel like anything
at all...
This doesn't look right;
This doesn't look like what I
signed up for.
No.
I want know, I want to know
Why it's so hard to say goodbye
Why there's no reason and no rhyme to the tears
That fall
From my eyes
Even though I know, I've got to go.
Lord knows I
Lord knows I tried
Lord knows I tried to get along.
But something held
But something held me
But something held me back; I knew it was wrong
I couldn't help it;
I couldn't help myself from
turning back...
I tried to hold it,
Hold it together but that just made me a mess.
I want to know, I want to know
Why it's so hard to say goodbye
Why there's no reason and no rhyme to the tears
That fall
From my eyes
Even though I know, I've got to go.
I want to know, I want to know
Why it's so hard to say what needs to be said...
What needs to be spoken...
I want to---
Want to know...
I want to---
Want to know... Even though... I know...
I know that I've got to...
AND FINALLY!!!!
Hahaha! Love you guys! Byyyyyeeeee!
Deserae McGlothen
P.S. Dear Mom, Kia, Dad, Gabby, Eva, Ms. K, and all of my SoCal Lovelies (like Adriel. Lol!),
I'll miss you millions. <3
I'm moving up North on Wednesday, so I'm starting to get all nostalgic and what-not. It hasn't kicked in, yet, that I'm actually leaving. So I filmed this video earlier this morning of our apartment so you could see where I stayed BEFORE college took me away from those I know and love. Hahaha! Just kidding. But yeah, here is my casa. And on Friday, I'll show you mi casa nueva.
So yes. Leaving is starting to feel a little bittersweet. But at least there's more sweet, than bitter, you know? I'm spending a day with my wonderful friend Eva tomorrow so who knows? Maybe she will guest star on the blog by doing a post for you guys.
Anywho, 'tis all for now. Until we meet again!
Byyyyyeeee!
Deserae McGlothen
P.S. SO the books on the shelf that I pointed to will probably be given away when I come back down so stay tuned for a contest! AND like I said, if you buy Sweet Venom, and take a picture of yourself at home (in your bedroom since I showed you mine! Hahaha!), I will send you Sweet Venom bookmarks and stickers. E-mail me at scillafrederricks@hotmail.com and attach your pic!
The phrase you heard three times up there and the phrase I'm using (cough, cough, coining, cough) to sort of embody and speak for this mentality is called being encouraged to not be discouraged. And I'm probably going to go a little motivational speaker on you guys as I go through this, but college life is a good example of this philosophy. Of not taking no for an answer.
