I Have Returned

I know! Crazy, right?

You guys must be wondering what kind of spank-tacular adventures I go on while I'm away. You guys must also know that I am both boring AND afraid of change. Mostly what I do whilst I'm away is eat, sleep, read, pretend to write, pretend to read some more, eat, sleep, attend a class or two, repeat. Now that I'm working, I guess I fit that in somewhere, too. But yeah, that's about it. BUT I HAS RETURNED. Missed me? I missed you too. 

Usually when I come back to the internet it's for a reason. This time i's NaNoWriMo! Yay! I fail at WriMos, guys. I do my best not to get distracted by the millions of ideas floating around in my head, but it doesn't work. Or at least it hasn't worked YET. 

I'm a lazy lima bean. Always have been, but no longer CAN be. Like, this job, Guys, DEMANDS I make good grades, DEMANDS I'm on time with deadlines, and threatens to throttle me if I don't follow through. Basically, I'm on the verge of being thuh-rottled. 

I know myself. When I start feeling pressure, I withdraw. Stop caring. Shut down. Move on. But I'm doing NaNo this year to PROVE to myself that even I can change. That my bad habits don't define me. That when the pressure's on, I CAN handle it, despite what I've believed of myself in the past. 

I'm doing NaNo--- but on my terms. I've been thinking about it and there are two elements I want to complete. The goal for NaNo is to complete a first draft of a novel by the end of November OR 50,000 words of said novel. I have a novel I'd really like to work on for NaNo. We're calling it MV. But I know that realistically, I'm going to get halfway through and realize  OHEMGEE! It's NOT PERFECT! And then I will cry all of the tears obsessing over its imperfection and in doing so, I'll be procrastinating and NOT finishing the draft.

So my goal for NaNo is this: 

-Finish 25,000 words of MV

-Complete a 25,000 word online series for you guys on my unused blog, Sommertales. 

You know why that blog's been unused? It was supposed to be the host for my first ever webseries (NOPE! Not even YouTube Rules! which I'm sorry--- we'll have to talk about that one another day). But I'm going to use it this November and turn that unfilmed webseries into a multi-part novella for you guys to read. Yay! 

Since you guys are brilliant, you'll know that 25,000 plus 25,000 equals 50,000. That's 50,000 unperfected words. 50,000 excuses I'll try to make for not completing NaNo. But 25,000 of those are FOR YOU. The reason I'm doing this is because I NEED YOU. I NEED YOU TO CHEER ME ON.

Every day.
For all of November.
I need you to tell me, "You can do it, Deserae. You can finish something. And one day, it CAN look amazing. But that day doesn't have to be this one. It can be tomorrow, or even the day after that. But all you have to do is FINISH. Please, don't give up." REMIND ME I'M DOING THIS FOR YOU. 

Because if I'm not just doing this for me, I have more of a reason to go all the way, you know? If I convince myself that someone out there in the world NEEDS THESE WORDS, then good golly, I have to get those words to them! Somedays, you guys will get the bulk of my word quota for the day. Others, MV will get the bulk. But every day of November, I'll blog on Almost (Not Quite) There to give you guys an honest update on where I am and where the words are going. Do you think we can do it? Together, I mean?

Keep me sane, Guys,
Deserae
P.S. Thank you all for your love on the last post! I'm weird sometimes. Thank you for getting that. :)

With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility

What I love about you guys is that I don't have to hide anything about myself from you all. I can speak about my religion. About my thoughts. About my feelings. About anything. And you all indulge me. You're all kind and thoughtful and respectful and what's better still is that you all seem to hear me beyond the political/personal things we may or may not agree upon.

In short, I adore you all.

Today, I want to talk. To get out some thoughts and some anger and some sadness. I just want to vent. After all, that's what blogging is for is it not? Okay. It's not. I know and respect that. But today, I want to break my shell just a little bit. Crack myself open just a little bit. Let you guys in. After all, you've earned my trust, so why not?

The truth is people count on me. I don't know why or when or how this has come to be, but it just IS. I've come to accept and embrace this. In fact, I'm going to be a Resident Adviser at my university next year. I'm overseeing TWO buildings full of freshmen and I'm excited. I get to be Noel, you guys. I GET TO BE NOEL.

But what I find funny is that, in a lot of ways, I've always been Noel. I've always been that person who people could talk to, who was only focused on one thing, who had trouble adapting to change... Though Noel has way more relationship drama than I ever hope to have, myself, he's a committed kinda guy. Once you're in his circle, you're in it for life if you want to be.

However, if you don't want to be--- if for whatever reason you keep hurting me, if you keep pushing me away--- then I, like Noel, will let you go. Ties can be broken pleasantly (Noel and Hannah) or they can be severed, seemingly irrevocably (Noel and Felicity once or twice). Still, after the fire has gone out and the dust has settled, I don't forget you. I hold you in my heart for ever. Every wrong, every right, everything, it's still there. But it doesn't hurt anymore. It's just... It's just that I don't want to forget the people who made my life something. You know what I mean?

I've used this example countless times, but when I was in high school I participated in our Stage Crew. And it was great. I made so many wonderful memories with a group of friends I thought I'd have forever. But today, I don't talk to any of them. Our director kinda kicked me out of the class and none of them reached out to me. Not even the ones I thought would be there. Not even though I "really" needed them.

For a long time, I was angry. At myself, though, for trusting them. But then the fire died and the dust settled. In my mind's eye, I can only see the good from my experience there even though I know the bad.

And guys, I'm angry again. At myself for letting a person I know and care about guilt me into thinking I've caused their pain. In my stomach is a fire roaring, "I'm NOT to blame. I can not force you to talk to me. I will NOT keep asking questions you refuse to answer. How is your pain my fault if you refuse to be happy? I  want to be happy!"

And it feels like the dust will never settle. It feels like it's always going to be one thing or something else. I feel  like there's just a negative spirit or air oppressing my friend and instead of attacking that, this person is attacking me. They know how to push my buttons. Guilt is usually their weapon of choice. And though I love this person and want to show God's love to this person, it feels like no matter what I do--- or say or don't do or don't say--- it's wrong. And it'll always be wrong because, for whatever reason, they don't want things to be right.

I'm sad today because... this is the only way I know how to get through to people. With words. With truth. With little reminders like "You're not the only one hurting." Like, "When you hurt, we all hurt. Every one who loves you." I'm sad because the truth is, though I want to be there, though I want to help, I don't know how to be except through "good morning"s and "how are you"s and hoping to get an honest answer.

I'm sad because I have a feeling that this, once read, will not be received. It will be used against me like all of the words before these. That's the trouble with text, I think. It's easy to skim over without seeing the message underneath. I'm a straightforward person. If I think you're mad, I'll ask you. If I'm upset, I'll tell you. So what I'm hoping this post will do for my friend is show them how I feel. What I think. Give them a chance to do the same to me. Because I'm literally DONE with guessing. And being blamed. And getting hurt.

An aside to this friend of mine:
What I want, now, is to help you with YOUR hurt. With your pain. With whatever it is that you're going through. I want to help in whatever way I can. If you need someone to talk to. If you don't want me to actually speak my mind, but just be on the other end. If you're tired of hearing the truth and need someone to lie to you. If you're ready to be honest with yourself but need someone to bear witness to the occasion...

I DO NOT MIND BEING THAT PERSON.
I WANT TO BE THAT PERSON.
BUT I CANNOT BE THAT PERSON--- IF YOU WILL NOT LET ME.

That's all I've been trying to say for the past who knows how long. I don't know what to do because I'm not getting much to go off, here. You're not bothering me. You're not a burden. You're just hurting. And really, that's okay.

What happens often is you take a stab at me and DUH. IT HURTS. I'll bounce back a million times, but know this--- I, like you, can only take so much. Correction: I will only take so much. And now you know that. So tell me what you're thinking IF you really want me to know! If not, that's okay. Just don't hold that against me--- don't blame me for not understanding. I assure you, I'm not the problem. And if I am, you know what I'd advise you to do: address the problem, then let it go.

Even though it'd hurt me like mad to know I'm the source of your pain, I'd rather know you were doing alright without me than to have both of us suffering for no good reason. We will live on without one another if that's what we have to do to be at peace. But if you need me right now, I'm here. I always have been and I pretty much will be until you say otherwise.

And back to you guys:
There is only one reason I'm addressing you guys at all. I want you guys to realize that we're all the person SOMEBODY needs. Do you have a friend? A sibling? A parent? A classmate? An anyone who sees you on the regular? An anyone at all? Whether you realize it or not, you are needed and you are loved. Please, you guys... Don't refuse to see your worth, your contribution to the world as a member of it.

You see, Uncle Ben once told his nephew, Spidey, that "...with great power comes great responsibility." You have no idea the power your smile, your "hello," your presence has on the people who are blessed to know you. It's your responsibility to be there whenever and in whatever way you can. But even God's Word tells us not to remain in bad counsel. What He means is, if being needed means putting a strain on you that you can't bear, you've got to let go.

I have been emotionally troubled this past year. A lot of stuff has happened, stuff I haven't told you guys for fear of reopening wounds that haven't exactly healed. Little things. Big ones. All kinds of ones I've only talked about with special people because of their ability to hear me... to understand... I realize now that I can't be everything to everyone, and that's okay. I want us all to find peace.

Tell me what's so wrong about that. Tell me what I can do to realize it, and I will.

-Deserae
P.S. I responded to a tag yesterday. That was fun and I promise to be happier next time when the world isn't against me. It likes to side with me from time to time so I have faith...
P.P.S. Yes, I have a feeling that once I post this a wave of anxiety will wash over me regarding the response. No, I will not take it down. I think it's good to be honest--- with others. With yourself.

Commenting on Comments

A.K.A. Thanks for making me smile

Emily- You created the award? Well you are a lovely person as well. Thank you for inadvertently getting me tagged. I have it on good authority that a lot of people were made happy by our surprise from Maya. :)

Sonal- You're watching Once Upon a Time?! Oh bless you! I adore that show. It's coming back for us in September. Do you know when it'll be on in Billy Shakespeare Land? 

Nicole- I believe those are essential colors for one's wardrobe. ESPECIALLY IN THE SUMMER. Lol! Keep up your mischievous ways. Let those neighbors of yours have it, Girly! :]

We So Excited

It's been a busy week, but today was one of the best Fridays I've had in a long while. I ate a really good Caesar Salad, I invited some peeps to a wedding, I took the wrong bus and ended up having to walk by the beach to downtown, I SAW THE AVENGERS WITH SOME FRIENDS! (you MUST see it, I swear!).

Then the bus driver who dumped us in the middle of nowhere earlier that day took us home. But first, he made the whole bus break out in "Bohemian Rhapsody." Then he made us make sad faces at the people who couldn't fit on the bus.

So basically, it was just an all-around good day because I've got Aria and Karly on board for the webseries! You know what I'm talking about... The one I said all of us could make together? Because, you know, I've got a script. And you've got a camera. And Karly's brother has an editing software. And we all really like each other, maybe.

I know it's weird to think that a rag-tag group of people can actually come together to make something sort of resembling awesome, but when you think about it, what's stopping us? We've got the technology and the means of communicating with one another. Why SHOULDN'T we do something fun and creative and (dare I say it?) COOL?

All you need to join this project is the following:
-Commitment and determination to see it through.
-A camera and (at least one) someone willing to act in front of it.
-The ability to email me at myticketsomewhere@gmail.com expressing your interest.

Seriously. That's it. Not everyone is going to be in every episode, but if you're really extremely down to help, let me know and I'll try to work you in as often as possible. And you know what? Because you're so nice, I'm even going to tell you, the folks at home, what it's about. Here's a brief synopsis of what our collab (you like what I did there?) is going to attempt to get at:

YouTube Rules!

Bree Jackson is going to be a star. Or at least that's what she tells her best friend Ariel one night over their weekly video chat. Ever since the Pearce family moved to the East Coast and took Ariel with them, Bree's thought up all sorts of ways to keep their friendship alive. First she ran up her parent's phone bill, then there was Skype, but now she's convinced that YouTube is the place where the two of them are going to find fame and undo the damage a couple of hundred miles has brought upon their relationship. 


Although Ariel is skeptical about their supposed rise to fame and beyond reluctant to get in front of a camera after "the incident," she decides to humor Bree by hooking her up with a few friends from her side of the country. Together, the group shares a few laughs, frustrations, and breakdowns as they start to figure out who they are on the road to internet stardom.


Based on the tips and tricks of the trade posted in videos by Charlie McDonnell, Adorian Deck, Luke Sims, Claudia (BeyondBeautyStar), and more, YouTube Rules! is fundamentally an experiment to see if a remote collab could be successful and if the "rules" could work for anyone.

Sound familiar? Well it should! Because it's a highly dramatized version of our story, you guys! For me, this isn't about fame or fortune. It's about telling a story I want to share with the world. Yeah. That's why I write. But I realize it might be a long while before I actually get published. This? I can do this RIGHT NOW. With your help, I can share something I think could be really great with the world.

I've only written the pilot episode at this point so if you want like a "permanent" in, you should email me expressing interest soon! I've already got an idea who Ariel's going to be (ahem! Aria), and I already have an idea of who I'd love to be the friends she recommends (ahem! Karly and bro). Bree is going to be someone on my end because I also have plans of showing her in different locations other than in front of her computer screen. But as of right now, YOU could be in it, too. I swear! Let me know soon. Like I'm going to have to give you a deadline, aren't I. Hm... What's two weeks from today? The 19th? Well that's not an even number. So...

If you want a "permanent" part in this series, email me by May 12th.
If you want to be in it, but missed that deadline. No worries! I'll write you in if you email me by May 20th.

And, uh, yeah! That's about it. You guys don't know how happy ya'll have made me. In fact, ya'll have made me SO happy, you should look for something special in the Treaties for You section, ahora. The other webseries I was making needed a theme song, so I wrote one. And even though my voice cracks at some point during the recording, I feel so honored to be working with you guys, I'm willing to let you hear an embarrassing version of the song as a way to say "thanks" up until the day I stop accepting people for permanent roles (MAY 12TH!).

Love you guys. SO much.

BAI!
Deserae

Commenting on Comments

Nicole- Comments is a weird word indeed. Speaking of, I meant to leave one on your Bibliomania post, but can't remember if I ever got around to doing it! I shall rectify this at once. I adore you for mentioning me in the post and because I have your posts sent to my email, it was even more special because I got to save it. :) Haha! While winky faces ARE peculiar, your faith in my and optimism are downright spectacular. Thank you for your love, my dear. I must say that to you every time we speak, but I mean it. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Hope all is well! Have an awesome weekend and GO SEE THE AVENGERS!

Operation Happy Part I: Admit & Make a Change

Lately I've been sad. I don't think that's a surprise to any of you with the posts of suckiness or missing-ness that have appeared on this blog lately. But lately-er, or, more recently, rather, I've been making my way back to normal. See, when I posted the Back in the Game post, I was finding my way out of a hole I'd been digging for who knows how long, but I'm not even kidding... two days later, I got some shocking news, and it sucker punched me--- it was a cheap shot!--- and, well, I've been gone for a while. But I'm back because I meant what I said. I'm tired of being tired and done with being sad.

So part one of my ingenious plan to be happy was to just admit I wasn't. I wasn't happy. And I wanted to do something about it. So I started writing to a friend. And I started exploring myself once again. I branched out and found some new music. I am slowly but surely working my way back to functional.

But yeah, while I do that, all of the things will suffer. I'm sorry. I'll try to post on Home and Elsewhere eventually but right now, I just need time to recuperate. I know you understand. So I won't go on about that any longer.

Instead, I have to tell you guys the kinda bad news. The kinda bad news is that I kinda only have half a crew for my webseries. BUT I have an idea for a different one that could maybe--- MAYBE--- include you.

If you have a camera (an actual camera, a camcorder, a vid cam, a cam that does both, or hey! Even a webcam!) and if you would like to be part of an original series scripted by yours truly, then you should email me at myticketsomewhere@gmail.com by May 15th. Because you know who doesn't fail me? You guys. You never fail me. So why not make something cool together? Or cool-ish? Cool-ish is good too.

If you have friends who might be interested in helping out, I'd totally appreciate it. But you don't need a posse to be part of this. You just need a camera and one someone to be in front of it. And hey! That one someone could be you! Just email me saying you're interested, because with a project like this, I want to make sure I have a functional group and that could be with as little as three people up to fifty bazillion. Kidding!

So that's it. This is the first step I'm taking toward happiness. And lookit that! You can totes take it with me. You know you want to. You know you want me to want you to want to!

Love,
Deserae
P.S. Thanks Talia for the song recommendation!

Commenting on Comments

Sonal- Your comments always help. Thank you and do take up a challenge like that of your own. It's quite helpful!

Maya- You didn't get too religious at all. As a Christian, I totally respect and admire people who encourage finding strength in God. Which is what I need to do. It's so hard letting go, sometimes. But I really need His might right now. Seriously. I've been flying solo far too long, my friend. I know this is all me, too. So I'm fighting it with no intention of losing. 

Nicole- Haha! Don't tell anyone but this was I plan I stole from Charlie. Yes, yes, I'm trying to remain positive. Because positive is good, right? That's what I keep telling myself, anywho.

How We March Along

Lately I've been thinking. And, no, this isn't anything new. I've been thinking about the things that motivate us, and me, more specifically, to continue on, even when we feel like we've lost sight of the point 20 miles back down the road.

There are two truths: life is wonderful, and life sucks. And I know, that sounds contradictory, but in your heart, you know it's true. There are two sides to every coin, but just because they're opposites, doesn't mean they cancel out one another. The two somehow have found a way to coincide--- to both be equally real and equally important in order for us to be able to have a hold of the whole...

So life is great. And life is not. And that's what makes it yours and mine. Our stories of love AND war. Of good AND bad. Of joy AND pain. If we didn't have one, I doubt we'd appreciate or understand the other.

There's been a lot on my mind and on my heart lately. Things I have yet to fully understand or reason out. Part of me is annoyed at all this conflict, but a bigger chunk is excited. I haven't been this introspective since my freshman and sophomore year which was the darkest year and a half of my life. And I'm glad that I've learned to search myself without having to go to that dark place. And I'm surprised that all of a sudden, I have this urge to analyze every. little. thing.

I just... I haven't been very motivated lately and I've wondered why that is. What used to propel me forward without my even having to think on it? What made me want to get out of bed and conquer the world? Because nowadays, I stay up late to enjoy the solace that is the early morning. And I wake up to the late morning sun, not wanting to crawl from the safety of my blankets to do the things I know must be done. I want to sleep. I want to dream of a world where your only responsibility is to yourself and to the life you want to lead. As I write this, I realize that the world actually DOES sort of work this way, but it's not an exact science here in reality... When you wake up, there are just as many HAVE TO DOs as there are WANT TO DOs.

I've been drifting, and that's not a state I like to be in. That's the place you go when you don't know what to do with yourself. That's the place you go when you're about to face a crossroads of either giving up or giving your all. I could just turn around. I could turn around right now and skip this purgatory and go straight for the gusto. But I can't because I don't know what I'd be fighting for. For myself? For... something?

What's my motivation? God has always been my rock, but I've been getting radio silence from the Big Man Upstairs. Usually, I get this feeling in my gut that's telling me which way to turn, where to go, who to take with me... But "lately it's so quiet, in this place..." I don't exactly feel lost, but I feel stuck in suspended animation, spinning around and around as I contemplate what to do next.

Now I know life is good. And I know life isn't always that way. But it's never like this--- we do this to ourselves. Situations come and go, and they alter the way we perceive things and they challenge us to do better, to be stronger... But ultimately, we're in control of the paths we take and the moves we make and I'm just TRYING TO REMEMBER how I used to march along. How did I drag my feet along the gravel and hope they'd lead me to a better tomorrow? I'm still doing that. Dragging my feet, moving forward. But I can't remember why. How do you guys keep marching on?

Love always,
Deserae

Commenting on Comments

Nicole- I think I commented on your blog yesterday about how freaking proud I am that you won first in your meet, but here's a more public announcement: I AM SO FREAKING PROUD OF YOU! Thanks for being there for me, and also, yes. Monday's are like the murderers of coherency. What is wrong with them?

Maya- Definitely use his diaper days against him, and also, whenever you see him flirting with a girl, make fun of his technique. Boys LOVE that ;). I was not so careful with my chocolate intake. I think I ate seven mini-Twix and a handful of butterscotch candies in less than a 24 hr. period. :) And uh-oh! You think we're going to take different sides? Nonsense! Or... is it? Haha! We'll see and yes! I'll let you know! Merci beaucoup, ma cherie. Oh Lord, Maya... One day, you'll have to teach me French.

Rock My Query! Part II

Wow! I asked and you guys responded. Did you see Maya's comments in Part I? I did, and I was SO thankful. And did you know Arianna emailed me immediately with feedback? Well she did and I showered her with thanks then and some more, well, now. Not to mention, there were two people who responded on Kate's post and both Krista V. and Lenna were really nice so I'm thankful to them, as well. And then there's Kate, herself, who took the time to read and critique and boy, am I grateful to her, too. I rewrote the query and... Well, I hope it's better. I want to know what you guys think. There's more words in this one but it's more descriptive and less destiny heavy ALTHOUGH I had to slip some of it in at the end because it's important. I think.

When Drazoral steps out of a portal known as the Beyond, she is no longer the bronzed, long-legged warrior from Andromeda. She is Drew Ophelia Vardaman, the short, pale-skinned thirteen year old who has hopes of becoming an Earth citizen. While Drew learns to adjust to Earth food, emotions, and all of the weird kids who make up Planet Jr. High, she starts to understand what it means to be human. But when a parasitic shadow starts possessing her classmates, she’s forced to confront the part of her that is anything but normal.

Drew presses her guardians, Wyatt and Windsor, for answers about the darkness that haunts her dreams. But they’re not the only ones reluctant to dredge up the past. Drew has kept the real reason for her sudden flight to Earth a secret in fear of being sent home, but when mayhem strikes, she is asked to return to Andromeda in order to absorb the source of her power. It is only then that she’ll be able to use her gift without fatal consequence, and it is only then that she’ll be able to help defeat the shadow.

But while the part of her that is Drazoral wants to fight, the part of her that is Drew wants to live on in peace. It is no longer her duty to serve or to protect the universe. She realizes that playing it safe isn’t always the right thing to do, but she sees that putting herself in harm’s way is giving into the destiny she was pre-ordained. In PLANET WEIRD, a 47,000 word work of middle grade science fiction, there is no wrong or right in one’s decision to fly or fight, but Drew has to make a choice before it’s too late to save either her classmates or herself.

Thank you for your time and consideration. I hope to hear from you, soon.

So?... Any takers?... Here's a song while you read. Thanks you guys! I honestly do look forward to hearing what you think. 

Lots of love,

Deserae McGlothen

Rock My Query! Part I

GUYS! I can't. Do it.

I've been trying to rewrite my query so I could post both my new and old ones for your side by side evaluations. But I can't. Do it. And I need to post this by midnight or else I FAIL!

So here, then, is the query that super agent Kate Testerman gave her comments on (and here is where she said... well... things that enticed me to rewrite it. Hehe!). Help me make it pretty? Or at least nod your head several times as your eyes glide over it and insert sporadic, "I see..."-s. I love ya'll. Do you know that?

PW Query, Phase I (which is actually phase gagillion and three, but we'll talk about that later):

A near-death experience grants Drazoral a glimpse of her future, but after hearing that her life is the key to cleansing her home planet, she runs away to Earth, takes on a new identity, and, through trial and error, learns to blend in. As thirteen year old Drew Vardaman, she has the chance to start over. It’s her hope that, on Earth, she’ll be able to control her own destiny.

Although she has a rough start, Drew soon discovers what it means to be human through the guidance of her cryptic guardians, and her handler, Mr. Bleu. And just when she comes to peace with who she is and what life could mean on a planet like ours, a parasitic shadow starts possessing her classmates, forcing Drew to tap into the powers she’s been promised but hasn’t yet learned to master.

As the shadow grows stronger, Drew’s confidence becomes weaker. And though she realizes that playing it safe isn’t always the right thing to do, she sees that putting herself in harm’s way is giving into the destiny she was pre-ordained. When the sacrificing of one life is necessary to save the lives of an entire species, the choice to surrender seems clear. But when that one life is yours, there’s no wrong or right in the decision to fly or fight.

PLANET WEIRD is middle grade, supernatural fiction complete at 47,000 words. Thank you for your time and consideration; I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Stay tuned for tomorrow's new version and keep reading if you want to hear something cool! 

"Tee-hee!"

Deserae <3

P.S. That wasn't the cool part. The COOL part is that Maya asked me a wonderful question on my last post (the blessed girl). She asked: 

Is there a chance you could possibly post your WriMo on your blog?

And the answer to that is, YES! And... well... no. YES I will post some sort of something for every day that I write be that a screenshot of my Word document, a picture of me stressing out, a secret video telling ya'll something about what I intend to do or behind the scenes-y things about the characters, or a straight up excerpt for your entertainment. NO I will not post the whole thing because it's a book--- not a short story--- and that'd take up WAY too much space. 

And I'm doing these special things because 1.) Maya is awesome and the fact that she asked makes me want to do SOMETHING and 2.) I am a HUGE fan of behind the scenes/ teaser-like things. Plus, I like you guys and would like your opinions so yeah. That's what we will do. 

I still don't know what project I'm going to do but I have exactly a week to figure it out. I want to ask someone to pick for me but it'll take SO much time writing all of those ideas down and not getting enough of a consensus. So yeah. 

BAI!!!!

Let's Get Real: Cyberbullying

So today I was supposed to do a follow up to yesterday's post featuring my roommates. But I want to talk about something else instead and I want to start this off cara a cara (face to face).

Before We Begin...
Cyberbullying is a serious thing and it happens to a lot of people. I never, though, thought it could or would happen to me. I'm not saying this because I think I'm special; I'm saying this because I want to put it out there that the fact that it's randomly happening to me means that there is no doubt in my mind that it could happen to anyone. So if you feel like you're being victimized, know that I believe you. If you feel like you're being put down, know that there are others who are feeling the exact same way.

And this speel isn't just for those of us on the "victim" end. It's for people who may be on the "bully" end, too. Maybe you don't realize you're doing it... Maybe you don't know how much it hurts... But it does. And this post isn't going to console you. My hopes are that if you continue to read this, you'll be convicted to change the way you treat others online. Because imagine yourself on the other end. It doesn't feel good, and I hope that by the end of this, you'll see why.

I don't curse and I'm not trying to make anyone feel uncomfortable. So these are the words you'll see mostly in this post: attack, attacker, bullying, bully, and victim. These are strong, serious words, but cyberbullying is a serious offense. So let's get real, okay? And let's help each other be better people who can handle themselves in better ways.

My Story
I'm on a website.
Someone doesn't like what I say.
They take offense to it without letting me know they're offended.
They start talking about me on other social networks.
Their friends start hating me.
They feel justified in hating me.
The talking continues.
It's brought back to the original website.
There is a bang.
Without justifying the situation or the actions taken by both parties, I try to stop it.
Others intervene and the situation escalates.
Now, apologies for whatever it is I've done wrong (which I still don't know. STILL.) are in order, and also a firmer hand is needed to end the unnecessary hatred.
The someone "disappears" from the website, but continues to check in.
Every two seconds, I hear that the someone (who I thought was done and satisfied) is continuing to talk about me on other social networking sites.
I am now, not only offended, but hurt. And that's how I know this isn't just sillyness or in my head--- it's cyberbullying, and that, my friend, is serious.

What Crossing the Line Looks Like
Crossing the line from a silly argument or misunderstanding to full blown cyberbullying looks different for every situation, but here are some things I want to highlight because these are the things, in my opinon, that really separates the two:

Have you had repeated issues with the same person or group of people online?
Do you feel like they're attacking you collectively, or if it's a single person, do you feel like they attack you on a regular basis?
Do you feel like you're doing something wrong, even though you're the one being victimized?
Are you starting to feel afraid to check (social) websites because you're afraid "they" will be on or will have said something about you in your absence?
Are you being mentally and emotionally affected by what's being said about you?
Do you feel helpless or like no one cares or can stick up for you?

Look. I'm seventeen years old and have never had a problem like this before. But you know what? I can check off all of the things on that list, and this isn't just because I wrote the list--- it's because I've experienced this first hand. Age is just a number. Whether you're twelve or eighty-two, you can be a victim of cyberbullying or even the bully yourself.

Crossing the line means that a situation has gone from pettiness and human error to intentional attacks on a person to the point where mental and emotional stress is being put on another person.

We're all human. We all have the tendency to read into things the wrong way and feel the need to defend ourselves in any way we feel we can. And online, people do this by:

A. Cursing you out
B. Putting you down
C. Trying to turn the tables by making YOU feel like YOU'RE to blame
D. All of the above and more.

But the person who isn't a bully will see the error in that and apologize or will stop trying to hurt you for something that was silly. However, a bully will continue to attack you personally for reasons that usually have nothing to do with you.

What Makes a Bully and How You Can Stop Them
A bully is made of a person who:

A. Builds up defenses to protect themselves that end up hurting others
B. Likes to hurt others to keep up appearances or because it's in their nature
C. Is insecure and acts out to hide or appease these insecurities
D. Needs to put others down to feel like they're "on top" 
E. Doesn't like someone and chooses to attack them physically, emotionally, or verbally

Acts of bullying include:

A. Calling someone out of their name
B. Refusing to stop taunting, teasing, talking about, or taking the time to manipulate others into disliking someone
C. Using your position, power, or privileges to take advantage of others
D. Doing something to intentionally hurt someone else
E. Egging on a situation, or making someone feel badly about themselves.

You can prevent bullying by:

A. Refusing to participate in acts of bullying
B. Engaging in the practice of standing up for people who you see are being bullied
C. Asserting yourself by standing up to bullies early on
D. Conversing civilly with the person you're having a problem with to try and rectify the situation
E. Tell someone--- anyone--- when all else fails so that you have someone to back and support you.

If You Think You're a Victim of Bullying or Cyberbullying...
Get help. Talk things out. Get support. Talk some more.
Seriously.
There's no reason not to. Because if you keep talking, I guarantee you someone will listen. And if you feel like no one else will, come to me, because I will and we'll get you some help.

If You Think You are a Bully but Want to Rectify The Situation...
Get help. Listen to what is being said. Get someone to listen back. Listen even more.
Seriously.
There's no reason not to. Because if you open your ears to hear, I guarantee you'll want to stop. And if you feel like you can't or that there's no forgiveness, come to me because I'll hear you out and we'll get you some help.

Because Seriously...
Bullying of any kind hurts. And cyberbullying IS bullying.
Believe it. Receive it. Correct it. Reject it.

With Love,
Deserae

I need YOU to help ME to help US enjoy OURSELVES

I just liked the capitalization idea up there. But in all seriousness, I do need your help, so here is my latest video and the poll to accompany it (Tip: open the vid in a new window if you plan on taking the poll. Gratzi mi amores!):

poll by twiigs.com

Dudes and Dudettes, I hope that worked. But thank God there is always music to ease the burdens of our troubled minds.

Until we meet again,
Deserae