With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility

What I love about you guys is that I don't have to hide anything about myself from you all. I can speak about my religion. About my thoughts. About my feelings. About anything. And you all indulge me. You're all kind and thoughtful and respectful and what's better still is that you all seem to hear me beyond the political/personal things we may or may not agree upon.

In short, I adore you all.

Today, I want to talk. To get out some thoughts and some anger and some sadness. I just want to vent. After all, that's what blogging is for is it not? Okay. It's not. I know and respect that. But today, I want to break my shell just a little bit. Crack myself open just a little bit. Let you guys in. After all, you've earned my trust, so why not?

The truth is people count on me. I don't know why or when or how this has come to be, but it just IS. I've come to accept and embrace this. In fact, I'm going to be a Resident Adviser at my university next year. I'm overseeing TWO buildings full of freshmen and I'm excited. I get to be Noel, you guys. I GET TO BE NOEL.

But what I find funny is that, in a lot of ways, I've always been Noel. I've always been that person who people could talk to, who was only focused on one thing, who had trouble adapting to change... Though Noel has way more relationship drama than I ever hope to have, myself, he's a committed kinda guy. Once you're in his circle, you're in it for life if you want to be.

However, if you don't want to be--- if for whatever reason you keep hurting me, if you keep pushing me away--- then I, like Noel, will let you go. Ties can be broken pleasantly (Noel and Hannah) or they can be severed, seemingly irrevocably (Noel and Felicity once or twice). Still, after the fire has gone out and the dust has settled, I don't forget you. I hold you in my heart for ever. Every wrong, every right, everything, it's still there. But it doesn't hurt anymore. It's just... It's just that I don't want to forget the people who made my life something. You know what I mean?

I've used this example countless times, but when I was in high school I participated in our Stage Crew. And it was great. I made so many wonderful memories with a group of friends I thought I'd have forever. But today, I don't talk to any of them. Our director kinda kicked me out of the class and none of them reached out to me. Not even the ones I thought would be there. Not even though I "really" needed them.

For a long time, I was angry. At myself, though, for trusting them. But then the fire died and the dust settled. In my mind's eye, I can only see the good from my experience there even though I know the bad.

And guys, I'm angry again. At myself for letting a person I know and care about guilt me into thinking I've caused their pain. In my stomach is a fire roaring, "I'm NOT to blame. I can not force you to talk to me. I will NOT keep asking questions you refuse to answer. How is your pain my fault if you refuse to be happy? I  want to be happy!"

And it feels like the dust will never settle. It feels like it's always going to be one thing or something else. I feel  like there's just a negative spirit or air oppressing my friend and instead of attacking that, this person is attacking me. They know how to push my buttons. Guilt is usually their weapon of choice. And though I love this person and want to show God's love to this person, it feels like no matter what I do--- or say or don't do or don't say--- it's wrong. And it'll always be wrong because, for whatever reason, they don't want things to be right.

I'm sad today because... this is the only way I know how to get through to people. With words. With truth. With little reminders like "You're not the only one hurting." Like, "When you hurt, we all hurt. Every one who loves you." I'm sad because the truth is, though I want to be there, though I want to help, I don't know how to be except through "good morning"s and "how are you"s and hoping to get an honest answer.

I'm sad because I have a feeling that this, once read, will not be received. It will be used against me like all of the words before these. That's the trouble with text, I think. It's easy to skim over without seeing the message underneath. I'm a straightforward person. If I think you're mad, I'll ask you. If I'm upset, I'll tell you. So what I'm hoping this post will do for my friend is show them how I feel. What I think. Give them a chance to do the same to me. Because I'm literally DONE with guessing. And being blamed. And getting hurt.

An aside to this friend of mine:
What I want, now, is to help you with YOUR hurt. With your pain. With whatever it is that you're going through. I want to help in whatever way I can. If you need someone to talk to. If you don't want me to actually speak my mind, but just be on the other end. If you're tired of hearing the truth and need someone to lie to you. If you're ready to be honest with yourself but need someone to bear witness to the occasion...

I DO NOT MIND BEING THAT PERSON.
I WANT TO BE THAT PERSON.
BUT I CANNOT BE THAT PERSON--- IF YOU WILL NOT LET ME.

That's all I've been trying to say for the past who knows how long. I don't know what to do because I'm not getting much to go off, here. You're not bothering me. You're not a burden. You're just hurting. And really, that's okay.

What happens often is you take a stab at me and DUH. IT HURTS. I'll bounce back a million times, but know this--- I, like you, can only take so much. Correction: I will only take so much. And now you know that. So tell me what you're thinking IF you really want me to know! If not, that's okay. Just don't hold that against me--- don't blame me for not understanding. I assure you, I'm not the problem. And if I am, you know what I'd advise you to do: address the problem, then let it go.

Even though it'd hurt me like mad to know I'm the source of your pain, I'd rather know you were doing alright without me than to have both of us suffering for no good reason. We will live on without one another if that's what we have to do to be at peace. But if you need me right now, I'm here. I always have been and I pretty much will be until you say otherwise.

And back to you guys:
There is only one reason I'm addressing you guys at all. I want you guys to realize that we're all the person SOMEBODY needs. Do you have a friend? A sibling? A parent? A classmate? An anyone who sees you on the regular? An anyone at all? Whether you realize it or not, you are needed and you are loved. Please, you guys... Don't refuse to see your worth, your contribution to the world as a member of it.

You see, Uncle Ben once told his nephew, Spidey, that "...with great power comes great responsibility." You have no idea the power your smile, your "hello," your presence has on the people who are blessed to know you. It's your responsibility to be there whenever and in whatever way you can. But even God's Word tells us not to remain in bad counsel. What He means is, if being needed means putting a strain on you that you can't bear, you've got to let go.

I have been emotionally troubled this past year. A lot of stuff has happened, stuff I haven't told you guys for fear of reopening wounds that haven't exactly healed. Little things. Big ones. All kinds of ones I've only talked about with special people because of their ability to hear me... to understand... I realize now that I can't be everything to everyone, and that's okay. I want us all to find peace.

Tell me what's so wrong about that. Tell me what I can do to realize it, and I will.

-Deserae
P.S. I responded to a tag yesterday. That was fun and I promise to be happier next time when the world isn't against me. It likes to side with me from time to time so I have faith...
P.P.S. Yes, I have a feeling that once I post this a wave of anxiety will wash over me regarding the response. No, I will not take it down. I think it's good to be honest--- with others. With yourself.

Commenting on Comments

A.K.A. Thanks for making me smile

Emily- You created the award? Well you are a lovely person as well. Thank you for inadvertently getting me tagged. I have it on good authority that a lot of people were made happy by our surprise from Maya. :)

Sonal- You're watching Once Upon a Time?! Oh bless you! I adore that show. It's coming back for us in September. Do you know when it'll be on in Billy Shakespeare Land? 

Nicole- I believe those are essential colors for one's wardrobe. ESPECIALLY IN THE SUMMER. Lol! Keep up your mischievous ways. Let those neighbors of yours have it, Girly! :]

For Arianna

I have a feeling this week is going to be full of these kinds of posts, but they're worth it because you guys are worth it. I wrote this song for a musical that's going to be in an upcoming scene, but dedicate it to a girl who I'm starting to become friends with. To a girl who might smile if she had something special to remind her that she's special. This song is by a group that I haven't really developed yet, but that is a favorite of an MC I'm in love with. So forgive me, Arianna, if the lyrics end up changing, but you're the inspiration and the reason I've decided to post this song. Take care, Love. And ahem! You're always worth it.

If I Fall -GIP characters 
If I fall in love
Just promise me you'll stay here by my side
Until the morning rises from the sea.
And if you promise me
Your heart I'll give you my heart in return
One day I'm going to learn how to forgive
And forget
Everything
I ever thought,
thought of this
somewhat vague
sentiment
that could break me clean in two.
Don't want to beg
but please let
me go--- if you really don't want to... if you really aren't going to

Stretch out your arms
So you can break my fall.
Don't let me jump
If you aren't going to ca-atch me, ca-atch me, after all.

So if I give my heart
And you're not there at the bottom of the ocean
Conveying the emotion you made me catch,
catch like disease.
Then you oughta be ashamed
For driving me insane and up a wall
Without a rope
or a net. Or something whole.
I never hoped
that we'd get
torn apart, by Lord knows what.
Let's just forget
That we had
This talk--- if you really don't want to... if you really aren't going to

Stretch out your arms
So you can break my fall.
Don't want to jump
If you aren't going to ca-atch me, ca-atch me, after all.
Don't let me fall.
Don't let me fall.
Unless you'll ca-atch me, ca-atch me, heart and all.

Please also see yesterday's post for a song that I dedicated to another girl. Because that message goes for you, too. ALL OF YOU! Let me know, do you like these songs? Do you not like them? Do you feel like you can relate to them?

Lots of love,
Deserae M.

P.S. The song above is one of Aria's faves. And I really like it, too, so enjoy!

Saturday Snapshot #4: For Talia

I write songs for my books, as you guys know, and there's one in particular that I started but never finished--- liked, but never quite got  there with. Well, I thought I'd post the half-bitten lyrics for a girl named Talia who's got heart, spunk, and wisdom for days, but might need a little something every once and again to make her smile. Hope this does the job, Love.

"Trust Me" -KISSE
I know you look at me and all you see's
A broken-hearted lovesick personality,
But all you've done is glimpsed at the surface
Trust me I'm working on
Becoming me and loving you
You seem to be alright now, Love, and I'll be too,
But all I know's that hearts are imperfect---
Trust me, I'm learning,
That when things start to fall apart, we've still gotta hold together.
I'll recollect all my broken parts and save them for later.

We stare out onto the lake, throw a pebble in and watch it sink
And I know what you're thinking: Just keep on breathing
'Cause, Love, we're not through yet;
Our world is dark, now, but there's light up ahead and
Trust me we'll make it, buh-lieve me, we'll make it through.

---- This is where I've always stopped, but here's the second verse even though I need to change it---

I know that soon there's gonna be a day
When cynical delusions keep flooding my brain,
Just hold my hand and say that you'll lead me,
I don't mind being
The one who keeps asking for help
This is the only way I know to save myself,
So promise me you'll be right beside me,
Trust me I'm trying...
And when things start to fall apart,
You know I'll get it together,
Brush it off, stand up, and restart
Because I know things get better

We stare out onto the lake, throw a pebble in and watch it sink
And I know what you're thinking: Just keep on breathing.
'Cause, Love, we're not through yet,
Our world is dark, now, but there's light up ahead and
Trust me we'll make it, buh-lieve me, we'll make it through.

Love,
Deserae
P.S. The song above is a favorite of Ms. T's. Definitely give it a listen and her blog a look-see.

Let's Get Real: Cyberbullying

So today I was supposed to do a follow up to yesterday's post featuring my roommates. But I want to talk about something else instead and I want to start this off cara a cara (face to face).

Before We Begin...
Cyberbullying is a serious thing and it happens to a lot of people. I never, though, thought it could or would happen to me. I'm not saying this because I think I'm special; I'm saying this because I want to put it out there that the fact that it's randomly happening to me means that there is no doubt in my mind that it could happen to anyone. So if you feel like you're being victimized, know that I believe you. If you feel like you're being put down, know that there are others who are feeling the exact same way.

And this speel isn't just for those of us on the "victim" end. It's for people who may be on the "bully" end, too. Maybe you don't realize you're doing it... Maybe you don't know how much it hurts... But it does. And this post isn't going to console you. My hopes are that if you continue to read this, you'll be convicted to change the way you treat others online. Because imagine yourself on the other end. It doesn't feel good, and I hope that by the end of this, you'll see why.

I don't curse and I'm not trying to make anyone feel uncomfortable. So these are the words you'll see mostly in this post: attack, attacker, bullying, bully, and victim. These are strong, serious words, but cyberbullying is a serious offense. So let's get real, okay? And let's help each other be better people who can handle themselves in better ways.

My Story
I'm on a website.
Someone doesn't like what I say.
They take offense to it without letting me know they're offended.
They start talking about me on other social networks.
Their friends start hating me.
They feel justified in hating me.
The talking continues.
It's brought back to the original website.
There is a bang.
Without justifying the situation or the actions taken by both parties, I try to stop it.
Others intervene and the situation escalates.
Now, apologies for whatever it is I've done wrong (which I still don't know. STILL.) are in order, and also a firmer hand is needed to end the unnecessary hatred.
The someone "disappears" from the website, but continues to check in.
Every two seconds, I hear that the someone (who I thought was done and satisfied) is continuing to talk about me on other social networking sites.
I am now, not only offended, but hurt. And that's how I know this isn't just sillyness or in my head--- it's cyberbullying, and that, my friend, is serious.

What Crossing the Line Looks Like
Crossing the line from a silly argument or misunderstanding to full blown cyberbullying looks different for every situation, but here are some things I want to highlight because these are the things, in my opinon, that really separates the two:

Have you had repeated issues with the same person or group of people online?
Do you feel like they're attacking you collectively, or if it's a single person, do you feel like they attack you on a regular basis?
Do you feel like you're doing something wrong, even though you're the one being victimized?
Are you starting to feel afraid to check (social) websites because you're afraid "they" will be on or will have said something about you in your absence?
Are you being mentally and emotionally affected by what's being said about you?
Do you feel helpless or like no one cares or can stick up for you?

Look. I'm seventeen years old and have never had a problem like this before. But you know what? I can check off all of the things on that list, and this isn't just because I wrote the list--- it's because I've experienced this first hand. Age is just a number. Whether you're twelve or eighty-two, you can be a victim of cyberbullying or even the bully yourself.

Crossing the line means that a situation has gone from pettiness and human error to intentional attacks on a person to the point where mental and emotional stress is being put on another person.

We're all human. We all have the tendency to read into things the wrong way and feel the need to defend ourselves in any way we feel we can. And online, people do this by:

A. Cursing you out
B. Putting you down
C. Trying to turn the tables by making YOU feel like YOU'RE to blame
D. All of the above and more.

But the person who isn't a bully will see the error in that and apologize or will stop trying to hurt you for something that was silly. However, a bully will continue to attack you personally for reasons that usually have nothing to do with you.

What Makes a Bully and How You Can Stop Them
A bully is made of a person who:

A. Builds up defenses to protect themselves that end up hurting others
B. Likes to hurt others to keep up appearances or because it's in their nature
C. Is insecure and acts out to hide or appease these insecurities
D. Needs to put others down to feel like they're "on top" 
E. Doesn't like someone and chooses to attack them physically, emotionally, or verbally

Acts of bullying include:

A. Calling someone out of their name
B. Refusing to stop taunting, teasing, talking about, or taking the time to manipulate others into disliking someone
C. Using your position, power, or privileges to take advantage of others
D. Doing something to intentionally hurt someone else
E. Egging on a situation, or making someone feel badly about themselves.

You can prevent bullying by:

A. Refusing to participate in acts of bullying
B. Engaging in the practice of standing up for people who you see are being bullied
C. Asserting yourself by standing up to bullies early on
D. Conversing civilly with the person you're having a problem with to try and rectify the situation
E. Tell someone--- anyone--- when all else fails so that you have someone to back and support you.

If You Think You're a Victim of Bullying or Cyberbullying...
Get help. Talk things out. Get support. Talk some more.
Seriously.
There's no reason not to. Because if you keep talking, I guarantee you someone will listen. And if you feel like no one else will, come to me, because I will and we'll get you some help.

If You Think You are a Bully but Want to Rectify The Situation...
Get help. Listen to what is being said. Get someone to listen back. Listen even more.
Seriously.
There's no reason not to. Because if you open your ears to hear, I guarantee you'll want to stop. And if you feel like you can't or that there's no forgiveness, come to me because I'll hear you out and we'll get you some help.

Because Seriously...
Bullying of any kind hurts. And cyberbullying IS bullying.
Believe it. Receive it. Correct it. Reject it.

With Love,
Deserae

Quick-Write Wednesday #3: Hard to Say Goodbye

FIRST! A new video for you that I like to call "Bye, bye, bye." Sorry I'm such a spaz in it. I was seriously just... blabbering because I was so A.) paranoid Z was going to catch me and B.) sad-slash-glad-slash-weirded-out-slash-everything-besides-upset.

AND THEN!... A new song! Just for my Wednesday Writes! Woot! No prompt this week. Life is the prompt and I am going with it. :)

Hard To Say Goodbye -Time's Up (aka Another One of MY Fictious Bands)

I'm at the end
I'm at the end of
I'm at the end of this road.
I can't pretend
I can't pretend I
I can't pretend I'm not alone.

It doesn't feel right;
It doesn't feel like anything
at all...
This doesn't look right;
This doesn't look like what I
signed up for.

No.

I want know, I want to know
Why it's so hard to say goodbye
Why there's no reason and no rhyme to the tears
That fall
From my eyes
Even though I know, I've got to go.

Lord knows I
Lord knows I tried
Lord knows I tried to get along.
But something held
But something held me
But something held me back; I knew it was wrong

I couldn't help it;
I couldn't help myself from
turning back...
I tried to hold it,
Hold it together but that just made me a mess.

I want to know, I want to know
Why it's so hard to say goodbye
Why there's no reason and no rhyme to the tears
That fall
From my eyes
Even though I know, I've got to go.

I want to know, I want to know
Why it's so hard to say what needs to be said...
What needs to be spoken...
I want to---
Want to know...
I want to---
Want to know... Even though... I know...
I know that I've got to...

AND FINALLY!!!!

Hahaha! Love you guys! Byyyyyeeeee!
Deserae McGlothen
P.S. Dear Mom, Kia, Dad, Gabby, Eva, Ms. K, and all of my SoCal Lovelies (like Adriel. Lol!),
I'll miss you millions. <3

Teaser Tuesday #2: Secret Linkage

So I finally made a video of myself singing "Don't Want This (Anymore)" just for you guys who are my blog viewers (lyrics are here! Be sure to open in a different window if you want to sing along. :]). This post is dedicated to the clearly amazing and undoubtedly beautiful Josefina from Lisi's blah-g who:

A. Requested (more than once) for this video to be posted and
B. Left an amazing comment on the lyrics post that not only made me smile, but really encouraged to make my first posted video a couple of days ago.

Of course, I had to follow through, so without further ado, here is the "Don't Want This" Acapella video.

But as you guys know, my posts never end with these things. There is always MORE. So, in the video above you will hear a phrase that might catch your ear. And this link will take you where you might go to find that awesomeness and my brand. NEW. *Covers mouth and runs away*.

Whew! Almost spoiled the surprise there! Okeydoke, Loves. Hope you're having a wonderful Tuesday and I'll see you all tomorrow with another awkward Quick-Write.

Loving you always,

<3 Deserae

P.S. Love you Eva! Thank you for the CD (so thoughtful!) and the letter--- both of which I will be crying to on the plane tomorrow. I love you mucho. Thanks for the wonderful afernoon, your beautiful presence, and this half a year of friendship that I hope blossoms into something a million light years long. :) You are beautiful.

Te amo!

P.S.S. The above song was suggested to you by the lovely Eva. Please enjoy its awesomeness as you tell someone you love that... well... you love them (and will stop the world from turning into a monster or something cheesy like that). Ciao for now, Loves!

Monday Mayhem #2: Moving Out

I'm moving up North on Wednesday, so I'm starting to get all nostalgic and what-not. It hasn't kicked in, yet, that I'm actually leaving. So I filmed this video earlier this morning of our apartment so you could see where I stayed BEFORE college took me away from those I know and love. Hahaha! Just kidding. But yeah, here is my casa. And on Friday, I'll show you mi casa nueva.

So yes. Leaving is starting to feel a little bittersweet. But at least there's more sweet, than bitter, you know? I'm spending a day with my wonderful friend Eva tomorrow so who knows? Maybe she will guest star on the blog by doing a post for you guys.

Anywho, 'tis all for now. Until we meet again!

Byyyyyeeee!
Deserae McGlothen

P.S. SO the books on the shelf that I pointed to will probably be given away when I come back down so stay tuned for a contest! AND like I said, if you buy Sweet Venom, and take a picture of yourself at home (in your bedroom since I showed you mine! Hahaha!), I will send you Sweet Venom bookmarks and stickers. E-mail me at scillafrederricks@hotmail.com and attach your pic!

For Skye

I just got home from hanging out with my dad and guess what? I FOUND MY FLASHDRIVE!!! So I was able to upload a video of me singing (agh!) but unfortunately, the song isn't Don't Want This (boo!). The ironic thing, though, is that this song is about a girl whose boyfriend cheated on her, so my heart goes out to all of you girls who've been cheated on and, if you can put up with my terrible voice, I hope you enjoy it. Video makes me sound like a mouse. I really don't sound like this in person. But yeah, here we go. And, Skye, this is for you. I hope you feel better, Love, and I hope you're able to forgive him one day.

Hope you're having a great Sunday, all. I'll see you tomorrow with another Monday Mayhem post.

"Keep Holding On,"
Deserae McG

Monday Mayhem #1: Disasters Natural and Otherwise

So last week on Lisi's Blah-g, I was talking to a girl named Deirdre about how she was taking the hurricane. She was keeping me company (God bless her soul) while most of the blah-g gals were at school, and she was telling me that New York didn't get hit as bad as they thought it would--- that they were kind of overprepared because of all of the hype that Irene brought around.

I wanted to talk about how natural disasters made me feel, BUT as ususal, when I start writing, things tend to take an unconventional turn. My first thoughts to share with you this Mundane Monday was going to be to explain my general fear of natural disasters because of how powerless and unprepared I feel when they come around. But, now there's something else I want to talk about. A word that kills.

Hype.

Disasters, like drama, are unavoidable circumstances. They come at times you least expect them to. They can come in low blows or at full-throttle. But sometimes we're lucky enough to see them coming ahead of time. So we prepare according to what we assume is going to happen. We prepare just in case the worst is going to come at its worst.

Assumption leads to devastation, sometimes, though. Today, I assumed something was going to blow out of proportion and ended up being wrong. I prepared for the worst--- I hate having my own name dragged through the mud--- and I tried to stop it early on. But the tables were turned and yes, they were turned against me. But building up to that moment (and now, even after it) was just a bunch of premeditated and now uncontrollable hype. You live and you learn, I suppose.

Is it wrong to stock up for the winter if you know it's coming? Heck no. And is it wrong to have certain things in place in case it storms? Absolutely not. But, in the end, you have to realize that no matter how much you prepare, no matter what you do to try to stop something, the storm will always run its own course. The  storm will always make its own twist in the story. And you've just got to be able to go with it.

How did you deal with a disaster (natural or otherwise) in your own life? I'd love to hear from you in the comments. Until Wednesday with my latest quick-write (prompt courtesy of the amazing Anita)...

Happy Labor Day,
Deserae M.

In Search of Sanity

I'm not sure when it was that I decided I wanted to write professionally, but I remember that the moment I realized it, everything changed. Gone were the days of simply wanting to tell a story. Replacing it was the need to tell the right story--- the story that mattered, the story that would change its reader for better or for worse.

I remember my fourth grade year, writing a "book" to amuse my friends. They were the cast, their lives highly exaggerated, and I was the puppeteer pulling the strings, trying to move them along with this new girl I created and force them into a world where they weren't exactly the stars. For the first time ever, I'd seen something through from beginning to end. I saw it in chapters and in words and in a hilarious way. I won many a callus writing the entire thing out by hand.

And even though I can't remember when it hit me, I woke up one day and decided I wanted to be an author. Not a writer. An author. I had been a writer since grade two when I wrote poems on the backs of my arithmetic tests, and penned short narratives for my friends in grade four. Heck. I was a writer (or a story teller which is what a writer is in their simplest form) when my friend Stephanie and I kept up the hugest (fictional) story of both of us attending an after school program called G.E.M.S. We piggy-backed off of one another on a weekly basis, retelling our adventures to anyone who was unfortunate enough to try to engage in our conversations. I wanted to move beyond writing. I wanted writing to be my craft, and story-telling to be my art. I wanted to be an author, and I wanted to be good at it. So I didn't sit back and wait for author to happen to me; I went out there in the big bad world and learned how to do it.

What I learned right away were the following three things: you don't have to be an adult to be an author, you have to write to be an author, and there are two types of authors--- published and unpublished.

Currently, I'm unpublished. Do I want to be published one day? Absolutely. That's the goal, I'm not going to lie, but I realize that in order to reach that goal, I had to actually write a book first. So I did. And I liked how that went so I wrote another one. And then I liked how that went and re-read the first one. It was terrible. I went back to the beginning and started from scratch, revamping a story I cherished and cared for and although it's better, it either A.) needs professional help or B.) should forever hold its peace.

And seriously, that's alright. Everything I've written has come to be because I wanted to write it. I didn't set a word to paper that, at one point, I wasn't absolutely proud of. I've just grown A LOT from point A (wanting to be an author) to point B (actually becoming one). Am I good at it? I'll be honest and say that's for the reader to decide. I've had people read and love my stuff, and others read and hate it. And since I simply write for my own sanity, what do I know about the quality? I make it a point not to compare myself to other authors because what I write is what I write. I KNOW it's not perfect, but it's a reflection of me. I'm not perfect, it's not perfect, and, for now, I'm okay with that. Like I do in my own life, I review, I analyze, I spot the problem, and I make a couple of changes. There's no harm in being wrong the first time as long as the second time around, we're definitely getting better and one step closer to amazing.

The truth is, the journey to finding myself here at Author Type II (the unpublished) has lead me directly and incidentally to finding me. I was looking for something, I think, in the realm of fiction to help me hide away from the things of the world around me, but, as with all good things, it lead me straight back around to the heart of what I was running from and made me face it, head on. I had to take a hard look at the things that were surrounding me and the person I was turning into because of circumstance and weak knees and I had to pull out a pen and show myself what was going on. In a way, I had to look at myself through the mirror. I had to use my words to see what was happening to me.

I think I'm just thankful to language, itself, for giving us an outlet--- a way to say what we mean and express how we feel. But I've always been thankful that writing kind of found me, because it's saved me from myself, from those ruts others talk about, and, ultimately, from being someone else. It's weird to say "I like myself," but I do. I like who I am. And I found all that through my quest for sanity; and I found sanity through a mess of words that let me untangle them long enough to see the light of day.

I hope writing's done something just as magical for you. I can't express how much I love hearing great stories about how words have changed someone's life, so if you have a tale for me, feel free to leave it in the comments.

'Til next time, Bloggers,
~Deserae McGlothen