I am... relieved, mostly. Relieved, and slightly exhausted. But I'm also confused. I'm confused because this chapter was supposed to kill me. It was TRYING to kill me, I swear, but yet... Here I am. And I'm also confused because I thought it was supposed to be my worst work yet. But it's... it's actually my most creatively plotted chapters, if I do say so myself. Like... for a chapter, it's quite plotty. It's quite a plotty chapter.
Meaning that although it SUCKS, there is good in it somewhere. It got me to think, stretch my imagination, broaden my mind. It made me envision things I never thought I'd explore, and it's prepared me to be ready to re-envision those things because the way in which I wrote them this first time admittedly SUCKS and they will need to be rephrased and retold.
I am so mad at this chapter. So very, very mad. Because it was SO hard. Why didn't it just finish me off? Why beat me? Strangle me? Wrestle with me? Why taunt and play with me if it weren't going to just be ALL bad? Why show me it had SOME good?
I think it's because this chapter is trying to get me to pay attention to one very important fact. That writers, write. No matter what, no matter... WHAT. No matter how bad their hair looks on the first day of school. No matter how bad their first drafts are. No matter if the apocalypse is supposed to be upon us. We just DO it. It's our jobs, and more importantly, it's in our nature.
And I'm a so-called aspiring author, and you know what they do? They write! No matter if global warming is killing off all the penguins. No matter what people say about their books or their hair (seriously... is it that bad?!). No matter WHAT. Writers write. Authors author. Evil chapters evil. And that's just how it works.
Thank you all so much for encouraging me. Seriously, Arianna, Maya, Prerna, I don't know how to thank you. I would not have gotten through this chapter if I didn't have your love and support. I would have given up and then what? I wouldn't have been able to do this post! And that's boring... So thank you for your love. Thank you for your time and your comments. And I'll have you know, I feel okay. Really, I do. I have to pee, is all, but you know what? I'm okay with that.
P.S. No I'm not hitting on you with this song! This is just my ghetto segue to introduce you to a cool, 18 year old author whose debut novel FALL TO PIECES is due this fall. Look for it! And go meet Vee! She loves this song, and, apparently, "you so much better when you're naked." :)
Commenting on Comments
Arianna- Thanks, Love. You have been my crutch, my first aid kit, my nurse, and my friend during this whole Chapter Thirteen debacle. I'm glad and honored that you'll be the first set of eyes to really look at it and see what's wrong with it. I need your brilliance. And a public congrats on finishing your own "Chapter of Evil!" I know your Ch. 15 was giving you trouble, but hey! You. Are. Done!
Prerna- I DO feel elation! Mostly relief, but there is some elation. One thing's for sure: the end is near. And that's always satisfying. Strange, but satisfying for sure. This fork is definitely different all the time. I'm just glad I WAS able to get over, under, around, past it.
Maya- I SAW YOUR COMMENT!!! Blogger is being incredibly mean, and I'm sorry for that. But I'm going to do a whole separate post on your comment because it made me so happy so stay tuned. I loved it, and I've saved it, and I have it, and yeah--- don't fret! Thank you for posting something so incredibly sweet, helpful, and inspiring. Love you lots!