Why I Have ALL OF THE FEELS for THE ARCHIVED

Hello, Everyone,

I started blogging again. I know. It's, like, a miracle. I just finished reading Victoria Schwab's THE ARCHIVED and was suddenly inspired to start talking about books again. So that's exactly what I'm going to do.

A friend of mine knows me and how much I love talking. She said to me recently, "Do you blog about all this STUFF you talk to me about?" By STUFF she meant literary jargon. I answered honestly with a, "not anymore." She asked me why. "Why don't you? You're good at it." I told her I didn't know, but that was a lie. Every time I say that, I'm lying through my freaking teeth.

I do know why I don't talk about this STUFF anymore. Why I don't talk about much of anything anymore. Why I've gone silent. Since I've come to college it's become ever so clear that when I speak, when I try to talk about things, other people aren't understanding what it is I'm saying. Not literally and not with the passion or the intrigue with which I understand them.

I've met a lot of smart people here--- brilliant people--- who want to talk politics. Talk social justice issues. Talk math, science, computers, art. Talk about recycling and how jank it is that California hasn't legalized gay marriage or marijuana. And I don't hear them either. It's not that I don't care about these people--- these brilliant people--- or the things they care about, or anything other than books, books, BOOKS! But I don't have the same passion for those issues. I used to be afraid to admit that. A big part of me still is. I'm afraid that I'm not intelligent enough to speak my mind. That it doesn't count, doesn't matter, that I read a book and really, really, really think you should read it, too. 

I have ALL OF THE FEELS for Victoria Schwab's THE ARCHIVED right now because I love Victoria Schwab. My official review will go up tomorrow on Elsewhere but here is the unofficial reason--- the truth--- of why I can't stop recommending this book enough.

This book taught me it's okay to feel. To need. To want. To have something to say AND SAY IT. Taught me that the past is past and present's present. That it's so easy to forget, that we're only made up of what we remember. That I should start making memories. Archiving myself. Making my own History. It made me tingle with anticipation for the future. Made me want to talk my freaking head off.

I am intelligent. I have a mind and things on it. And a big reason I love this novel is because I love the author. She always knows what to say AND how to say it.

My Lit Professor would kill me for admitting this because this is EXACTLY the sort of thing Wimsatt and Beardsley would have raged about--- this is EXACTLY what they knew I'd say and it's WHY we should read novels as if the author weren't a factor--- as if he didn't exist.

But here it is:

I loved THE ARCHIVED EVEN MORE because I love Victoria Schwab. Love what she's about. Love her mind. Love her thoughts. Love how she processes the world. Love that it reflects my own thoughts, my own process, but translates into beautiful, creative people and places, translates into The Narrows and The Archived and into Owen, Lindsey, Mackenzie. I've read reviews that say Schwab's writing is slow, but I've learned it's deliberate. I've learned to be patient, to wait, to get over my need for kissing and answers and to-the-point convos and noise and I've learned to appreciate her silence.

Because what Schwab doesn't say is just as important as what she does. And what she does say makes me FEEL when she finally says it. And the way she goes about saying it makes me feel ALL OF THE FEELS because I have to be patient. And I feel everything because I love, love, love this author for being a wonderful--- a beautiful--- person.

Let me just say one last thing: I cried when I read the Acknowledgements. I managed to hold on through all the pain, tension, darkness, action, STUFF that was this novel. But when I read those acknowledgements, y'all, I CRIED. Because I didn't care one bit what Wimsatt and Beardsley or freaking Derrida or my professor would have to say about the "ethics" of how I read this novel. I read those acknowledgements and saw the beauty of the author and realized that the two could never be separated--- not really. And if I loved one, there would be room for the other. So I squeezed. And now I can't recommend this novel enough.

Happy reading,
Deserae
P.S. See you tomorrow on Elsewhere.

Desi is Afraid

There comes a point in every little Deserae's life where she feels SO confident, and SO grand that the only logical thing for Life to do is to knock her off her high horse. And I think it's safe to say that all of us go through these random bursts of, "WHA?!?!?! But everything was going so well!" because let us face it--- Life likes to have a good laugh at our expense every now and again.

Thus was my reaction to my first day of classes. I am just now (after two quarters, the equivalent of six months as a college student) realizing that college? Well, it's hard.

I'm taking an honest to goodness English class. A class about literature as a SUBJECT rather than as a piece of culture. Meaning, we're talking about reading, and books, and what makes literature literature and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. As opposed to my Brit Lit class last quarter where we just read things and tried our hardest not to cry, or my Jewish Lit class where we read more things and pretended we finished all the novels, or EVEN the Greek Lit class I'm taking alongside Lit 1 where everything--- EVERYTHING!--- is WRITTEN IN ANCIENT GREEK!!!, THIS CLASS focuses on the WHY we read and WHY reading makes us feel the way we do and whether or not that is the fault or greatness of the WRITER or if it's the judgment bestowed upon the text by the reader... Guys I know that was a freaking long sentence but needless to say, I am TERRIFIED of how this quarter is going to go.

I did pretty alright last quarter. I got my first A as a college student, somehow managed to pull off a B in Greek, and passed the only class I attended every (okay ALMOST every) lecture for with a C (I told you Life was weird). But I don't know! For some reason, that all made me so determined to rock this quarter and then WHAT HAPPENS?!?!

Desi takes an intense Lit class dealing with the analysis of reading and literature as an art ON TOP OF taking a class that contains material that's only in another freaking language!!!

And my "just for fun and general eds" class turns out to be pretty hardcore for a class that promised we'd only be talking about boobs, periods, and menopause (it's Female Physiology; what'd you expect?!). I'm just DYING here and I haven't even started! There's something wrong with the world. Something very wrong indeed.

But on the bright side, I love both of my professors because, oh! Did I tell you? My Greek Lit and Lit 1 teacher are one 'n the same? Yes, yes. And I absolutely adore her. And thankfully my other professor is just as confident, fun, and kind, thank the Lord. And on the other bright side, my Greek Lit class is PURELY reading and quizzes based on that. No essays for that one or for Female Physiology, hallelujah! So it's only Lit 1 that I have to worry about for written assignments...  It's just going to be a lot of reading and a lot of work. That's why I need you guys to keep me sane.

Get it? Got it?

Good.
Deserae
P.S. Nicole and Maya, thanks for commenting last time. Love ya'll mucho and thanks for your well wishes. I did alright and I'm going to try to better. Pinky swear.

Mini Blog

Hey everyone! Hope you're well. I know I was supposed to post yesterday, but I was with my friend Carissa from four o'clock until one in the morning studying for finals which start, for me at least, at noon tomorrow!

I'm feeling okay about my finals in a really weird way. I'm studying like a mad woman so I feel comfortable enough with the material, but at the same time, I know I don't know all of it so there's a chance that I might not do well...

That said, I really need today to get to work. I'm going to post my review of ONE DAY up on Elsewhere very soon, but at 3, I'm going dark. I might pop in on Twitter every once in a blue moon, but I really need to continue studying so I don't do what I always do--- cram until the very last minute. I want to go into that first test at least with my head held high and off of a good night's sleep. So keep me in your prayers and I'll be back in action once this is all over. Elsewhere and Home will still have their daily posts, don't sweat! But I won't really be around to talk like I love to. Just two more days, my Loves. And then I am yours.

Talk to you Tuesday after 5 or 6 P.M.!
Deserae

Final Decisions

Tonight, I took the first final of my college experience. And although it was for my Hebrew class and I stumbled through the oral component, I feel... fairly confident. Okay, not confident in the sense that I think I aced that puppy, but confident in the sense that I know I got a C or higher. And trust me--- that's GREAT! It means that there's a chance that I'm getting a B in Hebrew, and even if I don't get that B, I'll get a C for sure.

The relief is... indescribable, believe me. I am doing well in school again. Or, you know... well enough. But grades aren't the only things I'm feeling relieved about. I've finally decided which project I'm going to do for my WriMo.

I know!

It's exciting, right? Say yes. Yes! Although I have so many other projects I want to see finished and projects that I'm equally excited about, this project scares the living daylights out of me, and that's why I've been convinced to do it. I mean...

1. It's my first racy YA. And not racy in the "everybody's doing it!" kind of way, but in the, "we're actually talking relationships," and the "there's going to be Dawson's Creek levels of exploring those relationships," kind of way. Desi is not used to talking about kissing and touching and loving and... other things. But this book is centered around relationships. It's a love story for goodness sakes!

2. Actually, it's not a "love" story. But, as I've said a million times, it's a story about relationships. And it's about a boy who is forced to figure out how to be in a real one. And it's about a boy... who... is not a girl...

3. So yeah, this is my first full lengthed project written in a male's perspective. And, although it wouldn't be cheating to do alternating perspectives, I really think this is HIS story. I've been dying to explore a Pacey Whitter of my own.

There are things that I'm excited for. Things that I'm... not so excited for... But I can't wait to share things with you. Not only will it be good for me, mentally, but it'll be good for you, as my loyal readers, to get a sense of the madness that is me.

T-minus two days and counting. Woot, woot!

Love ya,
Deserae <3
P.S. The song above was chosen for two reasons. 1) Dawson's Creek was an amazing show and I have no idea why they ever got rid of this amazing theme song. So yeah. It's here in tribute to it's amazingness. And 2) I know this is what you were thinking when I told you guys I still hadn't picked a project. But I finally have! So yay! You no longer have to wait. You guys are awesome.

Commenting on Comments

Leah: Glad you like the blog! Thanks so much!

Prerna P: Woohoo! Fellow Psych fan! Tonight's episode was funny. But I'm sad the season's coming to an end!
And a special thanks to Arianna and Maya who completed the questionnaire! Loved your responses, and of course I love you both. 

Snapshot Saturday #3: College Life

So this post is going to be about college and a phrase I use three times in the following video:

Yes. I totally named that video "Be Encouraged!" exclamation point and all. Even though looking back on it, it's not the most encouraging video in the world... The point I wanted you guys to take from it was this: that we all feel lost and confused sometimes. That it can frustrate the heck out of us in the moment. But that if we pursue our dreams and our wants and our passions with vigor, in the end, we'll be victorious. We just can't be afraid to see the project through.

The phrase you heard three times up there and the phrase I'm using (cough, cough, coining, cough) to sort of embody and speak for this mentality is called being encouraged to not be discouraged. And I'm probably going to go a little motivational speaker on you guys as I go through this, but college life is a good example of this philosophy. Of not taking no for an answer.

REALLY QUICKLY -------->

The picture over there is a snapshot of the essay I'm writing for my mandatory class. It's finished, technically, but I'm a little upset the last paragraph didn't fit and there's random punctuation flowing throughout its veins. But ANYWAY, in this essay we had to think about something in our personal style that we "stole" from something or sometime else. I wrote about my pearls and how I wear them to project a "lady-like" image and also connote that I'm a modern Wonder-woman.

OKAY. NOW WE'RE ROLLING...

My sister and her hubby dropping me off first day

When you're in college, you literally have to make every decision for yourself. The easy ones like when you'll wake up, where you'll go eat, who you'll hang out with for the day, where you'll do it, when you'll come home, etc. are pretty much the decisions you're already making in high school, but they're amplified now that your parents are away.

View of the forest near my apartment

Now that you're completely in charge, you really get to explore the following questions: What do I want to do? Who do I want to be? Where do I want to go? When do I want to get there? How am I going to get there? Why do I want this so much? And what's going to either stop me from getting what I want or help me get what I want? The questions don't need immediate answers, but they're always in the back of your mind. I was lucky. I kind of had a pretty good idea of a lot of the answers in high school, but now that I'm here, things like what I want are becoming a little blurry and how I'm going to get those things, blurrier still. But that's okay. I know, now, there are people here to help me. And while all of them REFUSE to just hand me answers (which is what I went into the office three times looking for!), all of them continued to try to nudge me in the right direction. In my opinion, they weren't nudging hard enough. But there was a nudge--- I felt the push--- and when I just decided to let go of their hand and jump, I found myself feeling a lot better--- more confident--- and now I'm in classes I love and am excited to be in.

Place where a baby deer was until I pulled out my camera

I felt lost for sure. I felt out of place and like the total stereotype of a freshman. Almost all of my apartment mates know exactly where they're going, they know the shortcuts, and they're not afraid to get lost. But me? I felt like the deer in the headlights. Confused. Out of place. About to die. Okay... so it wasn't THAT dramatic. But in the moment, it all felt so important. Like it was a sign from the heavens above that I wasn't meant to get to that freezing class after all. And maybe it was. I know it was, actually. Because now I'm in classes I love and WANT to be in. And that's the key thing here. Doing things you WANT to do. Not doing things you think you HAVE to do.

The bridge that takes me home

I just want to encourage you not to lose faith in yourself. To see that fork in the road and confidently set foot on the path you WANT to take. Don't hesitate. Don't doubt yourself even for a second. Because the thing is, there's going to be a day where you get to call all the shots. Start owning every decision, every step, every breath you make and take. This is your life. Own it. This is your shot. Take it. These are your dreams. Live them. And this is all you. So make it happen.

"Take a risk, take a chance, make a change,"
-Deserae <3

P.S. CALLING ALL ARTISTS!!! I want a "Encouraged not to be Discouraged" T-shirt, but I can't design anything! So if you want to make a design for me send it to scillafrederricks@hotmail.com and I'll get a shirt made for myself and the person who made the winning design! Make it happen, folks!

My Roomies

I've been asked by at least 50 different people if I liked my roommates. The answer to that is yes.

But I've also been asked what they're like and the answer to that is a little less clear. Because imagine, if you will, eight very different people. Now put them in an apartment and see how they mesh. For us, it's working out pretty well... for others, not so much.

So I'm going to try to give you my best representation of them through imitation versions of them via pictures of popular characters and/or celebrities. Does that make sense? Well I'm doing it anyway. So without further ado, I give you my roomies. And without further, further ado, here we go.

Emily



I chose blonde Katy Perry to represent Emily because of three things: the spunk, the smile, and the style. Emily's got a very California Girl fashion sense. I love that she rocks dresses and multi-colored shorts. Emily's a cutie--- the pink typeface definitely fits her. Unfortunately, Emily moved out today, but she's always going to be an honorary member of our apartment's family. She's the always smiling, want to party?, let's have fun girl of our suite and she's sweet on top of all of that.

Gabe

Gabe is so much like Julian Smith, it's kind of surreal to me. I've loved Julian Smith for the longest, but now I get to live with his doppleganger. So I'm like, "Yay me!" Gabe is SUCH a character. First of all, he is the only guy I know who can sing every Disney song ever made (no joke. Every one. Ever.) and songs from musicals I can't even name. He's also an artist (although he refuses to admit it) and he's extremely friendly and social. Like Julian, he has a bit of a perfectionist's mentality (if he's going to do something, he's going to do it right), and like my brother in law, he's always trying to figure out the most efficient and/ or cost effective ways to do and get things. In short, Gabe is awesome. And he loves his blue hoodie, too.

Kaitlin

 

 Kaitlin is my roommie. She is Bridget Mendler adorable. I was going to say she was Taylor Swift adorable, but Kaitlin, like Bridget, has a very girl-next-door thing about her which made Bridget win out in the end. Kaitlin is tall and thin and played volleyball and can SING... And she's SUPER smart. And we love the same music (cough, cough, Backstreet Boys, cough). And she loves her friends back home. And she is just amazing. So because she's the blonde of the house (now that Emily is no longer with us), she gets gold as her color of recognition. She's golden, ya'll! GOL-DEN!

Gurshawn

 

 Gurshawn is a real wildcard. When I first met him, I thought he was going to be the most shy, quiet person in the whole entire world. No. And heck no. This guy can dance. This guy can talk. This guy is super sweet and knowledgable. He's travelled. He's from Canada. And when I first saw him, Dev was the first face that came to mind. I know Dev and Shawn are different ethnicities (and Shawn doesn't really LOOK like Dev in a total "oh they could be twins!" way), but there are similarities in the personalities and the way they carry themselves. I admit, Shawn's a little more shy in the way he stands and sits (like he's more reserved, you know?) but do you see that girl on Dev's arm? Yeah. I'm betting anything Gurshawn's going to have a girl like that one day. He's a mack-daddy, yo! (I'm sure I spelled that wrong. A good sign it's time to move on.)

Due

 

Due is the shortest one of the bunch. She's small, Asian, and thin, and I didn't really know any characters that actually fit her personality. But then I thought of Barbara from Suite Life of Zach and Cody (Sophie Oda. Woot!) and Barbara is kind of like Due. Kind of. Due is quiet until you get to know her. And then she's really fun and funny. She's got a great sense of humor, she can cook (from what I know), and she likes to be active in the sense that she'd rather be outside than sitting around the apartment doing nothing. I don't know too much about her, but she's really cool. And her boyfriend brought me Oreos when I was having an extreme cookie craving. So she's the coolest as far as I'm concerned. The. Coolest.

Robbie

 

Robbie (short for Robert) reminds me of Cho from the Mentalist. Not only does he have Tim Kang's serious face down pact, but he also has the arm cross down, too! Robbie looks serious sometimes, but he loves to smile and laugh--- he just needs an excuse to do it. He's always around the apartment (kind of like me). And he's our go-to guy if anything breaks, doesn't work, or if we need things to be done.

Carlos

 

Okay so Adria Grenier isn't my first choice for a Carlos look-alike, but do you see the hair? Now imagine it a little past shoulder-length and a whole lot curlier. THAT is what Carlos (a.k.a. Shaggy) looks like hair-wise. Carlos is the one who comes to get us girls from our late classes. Carlos is the one who takes out the trash. Carlos is the one who is going downtown with me tomorrow to get provisions for our apartment. So basically, Carlos is the man.

Vanessa

 

Again, this wasn't my first choice. But I ended up picking V Hudgens to represent V because she has presence, power, and a certain thing that makes her unique and kind of uncomparable. My Vanessa is strong, she's funny, she loves to laugh, she can cook, and she's very independent. I don't think anyone could be her, and I really love that about her character.

Monday Mayhem #3: Mi Casa Nueva

This week has been hectic. I'm not gonna lie.

The problem isn't (or wasn't, let's say) that I had a lot to do. There is that homework I need to get started on and the whole "have to get to know the campus" thing I've been working on this whole entire time, but seriously? The thing taking up the most time is the general fact that time literally flies when you're alone in the woods. I'm serious. Seriously so.

This week, I've had to participate in a number of welcome week activities including, but not limited to:

-CA meetings (CAs are like RAs only they're "community" advisers)
-A night hike
-A welcome dance
-Resource fairs
-Mandatory presentations
-Going out with the roomies

That last one might not SEEM like a welcome week activity, but every time we're all in the apartment, we kind of make it a thing to go eat together or explore together and when there's NINE of you, you meet people, you're getting to know people, you're feeling a little more welcome as the group of you start to bond and get to know each other. I swear, these guys are great. Last night, for instance, five of us made a trip down to another part of the college to pick up my roommate, Kaitlin, because she didn't want to walk alone in the dark. I. DON'T. BLAME HER. On top of the deer, there are elks and raccoon... I wouldn't want to be anywhere near any of them on my own, either.

BOTTOM LINE: I've been busy. I think that when classes start, things are going to get less and less hectic. HOWEVS, they're not right now, but that doesn't mean I don't love you. It just means:

1. I have bad phone reception
2. I only get internet downstairs because I can't get it in our room
3. I am trying to figure out where things are at the moment
4. I'm adjusting and seeing where my time will be best spent.

SO... to prove I love you guys, I made this ("illegal") video of my new place so you can see where I live and see my smiling face one last time before it goes back into its hole until this paper's done and out of the way. I love and miss you guys. Here is proof. I call it, "Mi Casa: Where Ma Homies' At." Hahaha! I'm so lame. But then again, aren't we all? No?.... Not even a little bit?... Okay, here it is.

And this is for you. Because I know you care about my music and my feelings. Tee-hee! :)

Love you guys! And check in on me tomorrow because I am doing a post about my roommates. They're gonna be my Teaser Tuesday for my Wednesday Quick-Write.

Ciao for now,
Deserae McGlothen (a.k.a. Your Beloved)
P.S. Sorry there was no Snapshot this Saturday! You guys know I'm trying to stay consistent but right now, it's hard. Also, thanks for voting in my "what should Desi do" poll! Remember, you can keep voting until the end of Wednesday, I think. Also, if you want to participate in any of these memes, contact me and I'll link to your blog! I know I'm forgetting something, but I'll talk to you all tomorrow anyway. Byyyeee! And happy Monday, All!

P.S.S. OH YEAH!!! I was supposed to play Float On for you guys. Next time, Gentlefolk.... Next time...

Quick-Write Wednesday #3: Hard to Say Goodbye

FIRST! A new video for you that I like to call "Bye, bye, bye." Sorry I'm such a spaz in it. I was seriously just... blabbering because I was so A.) paranoid Z was going to catch me and B.) sad-slash-glad-slash-weirded-out-slash-everything-besides-upset.

AND THEN!... A new song! Just for my Wednesday Writes! Woot! No prompt this week. Life is the prompt and I am going with it. :)

Hard To Say Goodbye -Time's Up (aka Another One of MY Fictious Bands)

I'm at the end
I'm at the end of
I'm at the end of this road.
I can't pretend
I can't pretend I
I can't pretend I'm not alone.

It doesn't feel right;
It doesn't feel like anything
at all...
This doesn't look right;
This doesn't look like what I
signed up for.

No.

I want know, I want to know
Why it's so hard to say goodbye
Why there's no reason and no rhyme to the tears
That fall
From my eyes
Even though I know, I've got to go.

Lord knows I
Lord knows I tried
Lord knows I tried to get along.
But something held
But something held me
But something held me back; I knew it was wrong

I couldn't help it;
I couldn't help myself from
turning back...
I tried to hold it,
Hold it together but that just made me a mess.

I want to know, I want to know
Why it's so hard to say goodbye
Why there's no reason and no rhyme to the tears
That fall
From my eyes
Even though I know, I've got to go.

I want to know, I want to know
Why it's so hard to say what needs to be said...
What needs to be spoken...
I want to---
Want to know...
I want to---
Want to know... Even though... I know...
I know that I've got to...

AND FINALLY!!!!

Hahaha! Love you guys! Byyyyyeeeee!
Deserae McGlothen
P.S. Dear Mom, Kia, Dad, Gabby, Eva, Ms. K, and all of my SoCal Lovelies (like Adriel. Lol!),
I'll miss you millions. <3